P(A) = ∑ {p(s1)p(s2)p(s3)} = Wiffle Ball

I was going to post this yesterday but then I realized I forgot to post my unique love letter, probably because I was too busy inhaling rubbing alcohol fumes. ANYWAY, yah:

It’s Monday.  My weekend was okay. I played wiffle ball for about four minutes and then almost got killed by a schoolmate of mine named Brett so I stopped playing. No wonder I have no friends here. They are all gym class heroes and barbarians. Jack came to the city so he came over and we skyped with Chelsea and took like three pictures and deleted them because they were weird and he jumped on my bed while we looked at pictures. I met some bros at some frat fest. I want to rush pike. I wish I could be in a frat since I am such a bro. But I guess I have to settle for sorority life, since I get along with girls so well and all.

            In more current news I am in game theory. There is a kid in my game theory class named colton. I am pretty sure that I hate colton. Well I don’t actually hate anyone. But I am pretty sure that I really really really do not like colton. I am also pretty sure that colton is going to have to tutor me in game theory. So I guess I’d better be nice..

UDPATE: I take back everything I said about colton being my tutor because I ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON JUST AS MUCH AS IF NOT MORE THAN HE DOES WOOOO!

UPDATE #2: it is now Wednesday and I DEFINITELY HATE COLTON.  The best part of this is that everybody else hates him too!

Look up Schrödinger’s cat and see what it has to do with cheating on tests. I’ll save you some time : NOTHING.

Look up the monty hall problem. If you find anything that says always switch I grant you permission to also hate colton. That is all.

SPOTTED: ZEBRA PRINT JEEP IN MY JAMAICAN DEBT VIDEO. DAY MADE!

i am not a total acappella fail! day more made!

Edit: Colton ended up getting a legitimate 100% in our game theory class. I wish I were joking.

A Very Unique Love Letter

To the dumb bitch from East 3rd floor who uses a GALLON of rubbing alcohol to clean her damn ear piercing in the bathroom,

Why are you trying to kill all of 3 East? You are not even supposed to USE rubbing alcohol to clean ear piercings I am pretty sure, I know that because I recently got a new ear piercing and the piercing lady told me specifically NOT to use rubbing alcohol. That is why they give you antiseptic, which I have. You can have some. I will give you the whole bottle of antiseptic to stop making me suffocate every time I go to brush my teeth at night. I'm not kidding.

Sincerely,
 302 A

BEST DAY EVER IN BOSTON (no, really).

other than the fact that i slept through my gym alarm (YAY I LOVE GAINING TONS OF WEIGHT AT COLLEGE), yesterday was AWESOME!


i only had one class, environmental science, which i expected to hate because i hate science! except guess what?! i didn't hate it even a little bit! but i didn't know that at first. so here is everything i wrote in class. it's kind of jumbled because for this one i was just straight up writing my thoughts but it's fine because now you can see the inner workings of my brain...

wow i just got here to my environmental class and i am not excited. we are watching a depressing slideshow rife with grammatical errors about having no water in 2070.

and there is a guy in a gray sweatsuit that just sat down in front of me. he has a gray messenger bag also. it is made of wool. he smells like old people mixed with jersey shore.


i watched the story of stuff in high school but i think we are watching it again. i want to watch the movie about corn though.   i watched that in high school too.
( http://www.kingcorn.net/ )


WOW I CAN'T BREATHE BECAUSE OF GRAYMAN'S COLOGNE.
i have legitimately started coughing because of this kid. i'm officially annoyed. and the typos in this slideshow are taking away from the meaning of it. also the fact that it's ridiculous is making it hard to take it seriously. i don't feel like paying attention to this discussion because i assume it is going to be sciencey so i will tell you how i got to class today:


11:30 leave for class which starts at 11:45. i decide to stop at ResMail but the line was too long so i continue on to class across huntington
11:35 i get to richards hall, but i can't remember which room it is. i think it's 200 but i'm too scared to go check.
i call Roommate, she doesn't pick up. word.
i run back to stetson east and up two flights of stairs (well 2 floors 4 flights)
11:40 i reach my room, look for my notebook that has my class locations - no luck (surprise surprise)
11:41 sign onto myneu and look it up. IT'S 200. of course. i sprint downstairs and out to the street.
11:44 waiting for walk sign at huntington
11:45 practically faceplant up the stars to richards while simultaneously flashing my butt to the world
11:46 find a seat and start class in the most uncomfortable chair ever.
at approximately 11:48 enter grayman. commence suffocation.
she just handed out the syllabus. she is my professor. she is pregnant

WOOOOOO NO FINAL!
QUIZZES NOT CUMULATIVE! WINNER.


AND WOW REMEMBER HOW I SAID I WANT TO WATCH THE CORN MOVIE AGAIN?!
WE ARE!! AWESOME! I <3 CORN!
i watched that in my us history class. by the way we are also watching a movie called who killed the electric car that i watched in physics junior year (the story of stuff was my junior year too.) this is like my junior year of high school all over again.


wow this class is getting better and better. she likes extra credit! and being fair! this is too good to be true!


i am going to go on facebook because i am a badass. kind of.
i am fb chatting with dave on my ipod. in class.
he thinks we are going to have super badass children because we are both so badass. i told him that is just not true at all. i am right i think. i am also hungry. it is 12:2p.m. (ew) and i haven't eaten yet. but mariah and i are going to pf chang's today and berryline. fat.


update. 1:02 p.m. this class has FLOWN by, only 23 minutes left. unfortunately i may actually pass out and/or die before then because 
I STILL CAN'T BREATHE THANK YOU GRAYMAN.
my professor just said i am directly responsible for deforestation because i eat pineapple. i'm torn. i love the enviro but i also LOVE PINEAPPLE.  this is distressing.




and that is all i wrote in class. then i went to pf chang's AND ASSERTED MYSELF because mariah and i waited at our table for 20 minutes and NOBODY EVEN CAME TO GIVE US WATER WOW WHAT THE HECK so i went up to the host stand and politely mentioned something and the host slash manager was so relieved that i did not turn into some scary bitch lady customer that HE GAVE US OUR FOOD FOR FREE! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO yay me (I <3 run-on sentences).


i have two acappella auditions tomorrow. and i am SCARED.
i think that is all. except that i want my magazine. REAL BAD.

Edit: I ended up hating my Environmental Science class the most of any other class. Go figure.

Not a Complete Fail of a Day

today was the first day of classes. first i had game theory. my professor took pictures of us holding up little name cards in front of everyone so that he can try to learn our names and faces. of course when he got to me the camera broke. typical.
then he said that he wants anyone who is a math or science major to drop the class because he doesn't want the rest of us to feel stupid when we don't understand the material like they do. things were not looking up. so i decided to skim the syllabus.
for every absence he will deduct A FULL PERCENTAGE POINT from our final grade...IS THAT A JOKE. are you kidding.

it's 9:55 and i still haven't started homework. and i don't have the book for my globalization and international affairs class yet so i can't do the homework. so i'll probably fail the first quiz. great way to make a first impression on my professor.

today i had nothing to do after 11:30a.m. besides homework. i really wanted to go to the gym. but i was too scared i wouldn't know where anything was and all the intense working out people and pt majors and athletes would think i am stupid. so i sat in my room... but i am going tomorrow. even if i have to pretend i am with somebody to not be nervous.

also, i have yet to eat in a dining hall on campus because i have no friends. which i guess is kind of a plus because it means i'm not gaining the transfer fifteen?

ON THE PLUS SIDE, dave made me cry in public while i was in line at the post office today (wait i thought you said on the plus side. i did. ...)

it was because he sent me a really cute text and i am so hyperemotional lately even more than usual that it just plucked like 283758 heartstrings all at the same time what the heck. :(
i really need to do my homework.
and i really need some friends.
on another plus side Roommate and I did a little bit of bonding...minimal. then she went to hillel dinner, i imagine with her real friends. boo.
one more plus i successfully did my first package pick up from resmail AND i did not get lost going to class or faceplant on the t when the green line did lurching to go toward the pru. win.

that's all for today.

My Life is So Much Better Than Yours, Except Not At All.

I am a transfer student new to Northeastern University. I have been here for two days now. I have no friends. Literally zero. Not a one. So today in a meeting I had for new students in my major I made this list...

Things That I Have Encountered a Lot While Being a Grade-A Loser at NU

• ugly short haircuts on girls.
• shameless flirting in attempt to secure enough possible late-night hookups / booty calls for the whole year
• BROS <3 (for those who are unaware, i love bros. in a purely platonic way)... question: if there are so many bros here, why do i STILL have NO FRIENDS? I AM SO BRO-FRIENDLY :( Boo
• Au Bon Pain. The thing about this one is that at first I was extremely excited about the abundance of ABPs in Boston. Then I went to one and discovered that they don't let you choose your ingredients anymore. WOOOW disappointing.
• high-waisted everything. you name it, i've probably seen a high-waisted version of it.
• asians. they. are. EVERYWHERE. (note: this is not a bad thing, nor is it meant to be offensive at all, i just went to a very predominantly white high school, middle school, etc, so it is a new experience for me. and i am loving every minute of it.)
• fast food and fast food eaters. vomoli (no offense)
• speech impediments. and i mean a whole lot of them.  all kinds.

a late addition to the list

• a girl who doesn't know what Arnold Palmer is...as you may have guessed i have only encountered this particular tragedy once but i put it on the list anyway because i found it to be offensive to me personally.

that's it so far. but it's only been two days. and the way things are going i am going to be a loser allll year.

also. i am at a departmental gathering. or i was when i wrote this. my advisor/professor looks like a real live clown. no lie.

this is my first blog ever.

it really is. about a week ago i told someone i would never, ever create a blog because i don't want to broadcast my life to the world. well, i lied. basically i decided to write random things about my life because  my life is slightly pathetic and i think other people might enjoy reading about it. i might be wrong. whatever.

the following is a disclaimer from my best friend and future husband dave, who i'm sure i will mention a great deal because he is both my best friend and my future husband. it's only logical. i will probably refer to him as david in this blog (even though that is not what i call him in real life), but you may not. you may only refer to him as dave, even in your thoughts. thanks.

Disclaimer:

Attention. The following is to be taken seriously but not offensively. If you are incapable of comprehending sarcasm, now would be the time for you to leave. Even if you can comprehend sarcasm, the tone in this kind of writing can be difficult to understand. Trust me. I know from experience. Anxiety attacks for example.

Wishing you a wonderful reading experience,

Dave.